Neal A Maxwell says, "Any serious disciple yearns to go home to Heavenly Father and be welcomed there by Jesus." But the Prophet Joseph Smith declared, "We cannot go where they are unless we become more like them."
To become more like them we must accept the Lord's individual and personal invitation to "come follow me." Why is this so important? In John 14:16 the Lord declares, "I am the way, the truth and the life no man cometh to the Father but by me." If our exaltation is dependent upon following Jesus then it is imperative that we know Him. "Learn of me and listen to my words, walk in the meekness of my Spirit and you shall have peace in me."
As we study the brief time that Christ walked upon the earth we not only find the path we must trod but we also find a unique empathy and a perfect mercy that will help us on our way.
As I thought about how studying and learning about the life of Jesus Christ helps us today, I knew this topic was no coincidence. I knew that as much as I'd like to give examples of how others had been helped, I know no story better than my own.
As we come unto Him, and find ourselves being perfected in Him, we find that this journey can often seem slow and difficult. But as Neal A Maxwell reminds us, "Be assured God is in the details and in the subtleties of the defining and preparatory moments of discipleship. He will reassure you. He will remind you. Sometimes if you are like me, he will brace or reprove you in a highly personal process not understood or appreciated by those outside the context."
This highly personal process is one that Alma refers to as a mighty change of heart. And this is not a one time occurrence. It will happen throughout our lives and often the changes that leave an indelible mark on our soul cannot be easily expressed or often appreciated by others. Simply because, only One knows the intents of hearts, where we have been and how far we have come. But with this Spirit as my guide, I will try.
I have always been in the heart of the fold, just one of ninety and nine. I have made mistakes, recognized them and immediately repented. My life has followed a divine path. I have prayed for and received direction from my Father in Heaven. As a result of being a peaceable follower of Christ, he has seen fit in his wisdom only, to bless me both spiritually and temporally. That is not to say that I have not struggled. But with each struggle, I am made a little stronger.
It should be wise to remember: where much is given, much is required. I had no idea what the Lord was going to require of me. And as I ponder on my lot before me I must remind myself of these promises:
"Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am lowly in heart and ye shall find rest in your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, lean not unto thine own understandings. In all thy ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."
I knew I could trust the Lord to forgive me for the wrongs in my life. A promise that I take comfort in. I love the healing power of repentance. A much more difficult, yet divine quality, I struggled with was forgiveness. And this is my story I'd like to share with you.
I had been lied to and manipulated. I tried to trust and love someone who delighted in provoking my anger, causing confusion, and thwarted my best attempts to help. Lies and empty promises. Hopes dashed hundreds of times. For three long, contentious and hard years I tried to make sense of the senseless. I fought a losing battle, swimming against the tide, hanging onto a sliver a faith. I was buffeted, bruised and torn Not unlike, yet not at all like, the Savior himself. Except how I handled it couldn't have been more different than when he said, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." This couldn't be anymore true than in my case. She doesn't know what she is doing. She is doing what she has always known- a result from a lack of love and security. But at the time I didn't know, and the pain and hurt had turned my heart bitter and resentful. For so long I was feeling wronged and all I wanted was a sincere apology for it all. I demanded justice. As you can see already, I had much to learn.
A friend, in watching me struggle to mend, suggested to me the very topic of this talk when he said, "Maybe you should study about forgiveness, especially through the life of the Savior." Of course, that evening I went right to studying and wrote out some comments. It wasn't an answer but it opened my mind to what I needed to do to bring the peace into my life that comes from true forgiveness.
Here are a few of the comments I wrote:
The Lord with that same infinite wisdom that blesses me, also would require of me, greater love, patience, long-suffering, kindness and not the least, forgiveness. The very attributes that make him the King of Kings and Prince of Peace are suppose to be reflected in my countenance. And this requiring a mighty change of heart.
"The spirit of forgiveness and an attitude of love and compassion is the very essence of the Gospel of Jesus Christ." I need this spirit. How am I going to get it?
I must change my attitude. "Significantly when we forgive our wounds begin to heal. As we faithfully surrender to the Savior the pain caused to us by others, the power of the Atonement heals our wounded hearts, lifts our burdens of sorrow, and brings peace...to our souls."
"Be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you." (Eph 4:32)
In addition to the scriptures, another important resource was found in the words in this book, The Peacegivier. I cannot even begin to help you understand the changes I felt but should you decide to read it, I can tell you I saw myself on nearly every page. I began to see through the Atonement I couldn't make demands on justice. The Savior says, "Let me deal with it if there is any dealing to be done. But you, my dear daughter, let it go. Let me take it as I have already done. Forgive." I was beginning to see that the Atonement is as much for the benefit of the sinned against as for the sinner. I did begin to understand these things clearly in my mind but truly my heart was lagging behind. I still didn't know how this change was going to come about? I didn't know where the strength was going to come from? How was the Lord going to work this miracle in my life? Of course, the Lord provides a way. He was waiting for me to be ready. And often times He works through other people and for this miracle to take place he chose my Bishop.
I did not know this man. We have just moved into the ward. I had met him and his counselors in our home for 30 minutes the previous night. The following night as I met with him for a regular Temple recommend interview, the conversation seem to take a diversion. He didn't know me or the extent of my torment or what he would say that evening would be an answer to my humble and fervent prayers but he didn't need to know those things because Someone else already did.
I know the Lord still works miracles because my heart has been a recipient. The first thing the Lord was going to to was tell me I could do it. He would let me know in no uncertain terms that as one of the most important things I was sent here to do, I can rise above this. What a loving Heavenly Father, that first shows he has faith in me, tells me what blessings I will receive and then, only then, after I really understood this time, he tells me what is required of me to have that change of heart. I cannot remember nor can I relate all of the things the Bishop spoke to me but the feelings of that moment will stay with me for an eternity and heal wounds that I didn't know how they would be healed.
Forgiving her was obvious to me. It was the only way to heal from the pain, resentment and bitterness. I was ready to do this for her and now I see, for me. Nothing was ever going to get any better if everything was contingent upon her finally doing or saying the right thing. Forgiveness requires no strings attached. I do not need her repentance (she has nothing to repent of) I need my own. She doesn't need my forgiveness. I need to forgive her. Just once? No seven times seventy if it needs be. But you see, it will be easier now because I have already begun to feel the sweet peace. I am beyond hopeful now. His burden is light.
It is a miracle and a promise that the power of the Atonement can heal us. I cannot diminish the significance, nor marvel at the speed at which the change came after studying with real intent and praying with a sincere heart. Isn't that all he requires of us? A broken heart and a contrite spirit? My spirit has to be ready to hear what he has to say and until now my heart simply wasn't.
As I have continued to study about the Atonement, I see that because I now have a personal witness, those selfish feelings have no place in my heart. They cannot coexist with what I know and feel. What do I know? I know first of all that I can handle whatever is presented before me, even when I have no idea how. I know that through the Lord's power, weak things can be made strong. I know that he can heal the deepest hurt. I know that in addition to healing he provides hope.
Elder Roueche, from the Quorum of the Seventy has said, "When we forgive and let go of that which has weighed heavily on our hearts and taken us off the path, a great burden is lifted from our souls, and we are free- free to move forward and progress in our pursuit of the gospel of Jesus Christ with an increase of love in our hearts. We will be blessed with an increase enthusiasm for life, and our hearts will be lighter. A surge of spiritual energy will propel us forward in joy and happiness.
And now I say unto you that the good shepherd doth call after you; and if you will hearken unto his voice he will bring you into his fold, and ye are his sheep." (Alma 5:60)
May we always find ourselves in the heart of the fold, accepting His invitation of follow Him. It is my prayer that whatever the struggle, we might look to God, and live. I testify of these things in the name of my Savior, and my advocate with the Father, even Jesus Christ, Amen.
