Picking up the Pieces

I knew that my reactions to her were making everything more difficult than it ever should have been but I couldn't make sense of her or me.  I was looking from the inside out.  I couldn't see everything objectively.  I didn't know how I was going to fix myself but I know I needed someone who could see from the outside in.  This was a problem.  I don't let people on the outside, in.  This is a part that is so intensely personal.  I want to share it, I don't want to share it.  I want everyone to understand it.  There is no way I could even begin to explain it.  I had to look to my past to make sense of my present.  In this last General Conference, Elder Scott gave a moving and tender talk on abuse.  I think this line that he quoted could be attributed to any deep emotional turmoil.  "Healing may begin with a thoughtful Bishop or Stake Counselor or a wise professional counselor...but remember a true cure comes through the Savior..." I come through this part of my journey, reminded of the woman, you know the one, she felt weak, helpless, depleted, unsure and reached out with just enough faith to touch the hem of the Savior's garment, "Daughter, be of good comfort, thy faith hath made thee whole..."

I am whole now.  I have more capacity to feel in my heart than I did before.  Pieces of me that had been numb are now more intense.  I need all of this for what will be required of me to eventually help Victoria become whole.  But it will be easier, though still not easy this time, not only because my best is so much better but He is still making up the rest.