The logical part, everything we initiated to turn the control back over to me, happened very quickly. I was ready for it. Jay and I were actually doing some of them already. She was working on doing what was required of her. Now, what would be required of me? The bonding figure? I had no idea what was going to be required of me would stretch me beyond anything I had done the previous three years or in my entire life for that matter.
To form trust I had to provide her unconditional affection, something she has never had in her life. But I was still reeling from the previous three years. I was still far away from really understanding her. I was still taking all of her behaviors so personally. I didn't know how to stop it. My mind wanted to make sense of it but my heart was clearly lagging behind. How was I going to do this? Max would make "simple" requests of me to show her affection and I simply told him I couldn't do it. I was being asked to do those very same things I did so carefully and deliberately in the beginning. The thought of doing so many similar things again nearly had me paralyzed with fear. This is my part of the story I never read anywhere.