I must say that we tried loads of positive reinforcement. She just relished in the attention but did nothing to change behaviors. One thing I wish I had known, is that these kids do not respond to typical punishments. The only punishment that even begun to work was physical exercise. Jay came up with doing steps. I was initially opposed to it. It seemed cruel. But it worked. Except when it didn't, we had no back up. At this point, I know people were looking at us suspect.
I cringed when I would hear her ask for drinks at Church or friends houses. I knew she was doing it for the attention and because she knew it was a source of contention between us. She has this way of asking and then glancing at me with a coy smile. She uses this often in different circumstances. When I told others not to give her drinks, or ask them to withhold anything from her, I know they are thinking I am being unfair.
I didn't even think that her physical affection towards me might be insincere but again I felt it. I was feeling like she was only doing it to get more affection from me. I was becoming conditional and I knew it was obvious to those around me.
I hated to see her crawl up on people's lap or demand their physical attention because I knew it was entirely selfish and so unsuspecting to them. And frankly, it hurt that others could provide so easily that which as the mother, I was now struggling to.
I must be truthful here and tell you I felt entirely taken advantage of but I fought it nearly to the death because she was so small. How could I allow a six year old to victimize me? I have had to reflect on my past for that one but I tell you I still struggle with it.
I wish I could be more specific but I know that on the outside my behaviors and reactions towards her seemed harsh and undeserving. And some of them were.
