Thursday, April 03, 2008

Auto Pilot

We are functioning on auto pilot at this point.  I really feel like the Lord was giving us just enough to get by.  I know now I had a lot of lessons to learn at her expense and mine.  There are some things I could have done differently to make our lives easier.  That is hindsight.  
You must be asking yourself where is Jay in all of this? He is doing what men do best and I envy: compartmentalizing.  But he is also traveling 2 weeks out the month.  I was her target and I am female so I am reacting emotionally.  He recognizes this and would come through with his nearly flawless patience.  Provide me relief from her whenever he could and be a soundboard and support.  These crisis on the very things that can make or break families.  He clearly had the strength and I was hanging on a sliver of hope.  
My saving grace, on my most difficult days, was the complete assurance I had that she was where was suppose to be.  I felt helpless to be sure and every other synonym but I was never hopeless.  I had just enough faith to know someone, somewhere had the answers we needed. But for now, we were off to Europe.